Pancake batter dipped chicken in some sort of red high fructose corn syrup glaze...Really is this what I ordered???

So it doesn't matter where you go. Every little Chinese take-out place has the same food with a few exceptions here and there. You ever notice that? Ever notice that they all have the same misspelled words on their menus too? Seriously is there really only one publisher in the U.S. that prints these things? 

Calling in your order is always the same too. You call the restaurant only to be greeted by someone who is obviously a little too busy to take your call. Usually the person on the other end isn't too well versed in conversational English and you find yourself repeating your order like 10 times just to get your order across. I really do feel bad for them because there is always so much background noise like loud clanging pans and such. You know it must be hard for them to hear you in the first place. Did you ever notice that no matter when you call the answer to the question "When will my order be ready for pickup" is always 35 minutes. Really?? You could call at 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon for an order of plain white rice and get the same time frame.  

 Who knows? I mean every now and again it is great to take 4 hours out of your schedule to go get some take-out Chinese but is it really worth the hassle? 

The last time that I ordered Sweet and Sour Chicken I got something that I can only assume was dark meat chicken completely mummified in what can best be described as "pancake batter". It was like they got one of those little Bisquick Shake & Pour things from Food-Lion and dipped the chicken in it. It was greasy and soggy. Not a great texture. The quote "sweet and sour sauce"...yeah what the heck is that stuff? Clear, red, and lightly jelly like. Gross! Pancake batter dipped chicken in some sort of red high fructose corn syrup glaze...Really is this what I ordered???  I was expecting crispy fried chicken, you know like the chicken from a really good General Tso, and a thick glaze with peppers and pineapple. Arg! Asking for it to be different could lead to you being banished from not only that establishment but all others as well. Remember I mentioned that they all seem to use the same publisher for their menus. Yeah it's like a front for the Chinese mafia and the Kung-Pao 10 Most Wanted or something.

Well when I was a wee little boy growing up in Scotland....wait sorry that was the beginning of Braveheart. Actually when I met Jen we were in senior high. I remember it like it was 16 years ago...oh wait it was. I really do remember the first time that I had really good sweet and sour chicken though. It really was almost 16 years ago that Jen's dad was in the kitchen stinking up the house with the sweet smell of deep frying goodness! I happen to try to look over his shoulder as he was secretly making something for Jen's dance recital dinner. I caught a glimpse of these crispy little golden nuggets bubbling away in the hot oil and draining on a paper towel next to the little Fry-Daddy before he quickly shifted to cover his secret up. I asked him what he was making and he passed me this book that, no lie, was in Mandarin Chinese. I looked at him like he was a spy for the Chinese government before noticing that the opposing page had the recipe in English. Sweet and Sour Pork? Yum, I guess, never had it. I gave him a quizzical look and he told me that he was making sweet and sour chicken. No sweet and sour chicken that I can remember ever had looked like that. Although who was I to argue his recipe book was in Mandarin. I remember the fury of which he was mixing together ingredients and then into a frying pan went some canned pineapple and sweet bell peppers followed by what he had been mixing together. It was like this pale, cloudy, gross looking, foul smelling stuff. Was this really sweet and sour chicken? Gross! No...wait for it. The stuff in the pan began to bubble and toil then like in a weird chemistry experiment turned clear, red, and thickened up. The glaze was finished. He then mixed the perfectly crispy chicken into the pan and tossed it together. The glaze over the chicken was enough to lightly coat it allowing the chicken to remain crispy. The glaze itself had turned from this foul smelling, watery substance to something that had a great sheen, great smell, and beautiful orangeish-red color! Altogether the dish looked amazing! Beautiful contrasting colors served on top of perfectly cooked and fluffed white rice! I think that I must have drooled a little or maybe it was the dumb look on my face but Jen's dad gave me the slightest taste with perfect mall food-court Chinese etiquette. Yeah...he stabbed a piece on a toothpick and held it out to me. Just as I was reaching to grab it the sun came through the window and illuminated the chicken skewered toothpick and the throngs of heaven sang in beautiful chorus! (Ok so I made that part up) What happened after was a transformation that has left me scarred for life. I can no longer go to a Chinese restaurant, even our favorite little dive, and order that nasty, Americanized, garbage that they pass off as sweet and sour chicken. I give you fair warning right here and right now. Once you make this you will never again be able to order this from a restaurant. Your name will be given to the publishing company that is a front for the Chinese mafia and you too will be on the Kung-Pao 10 Most Wanted list! On the flip side you will know what real Chinese have known for centuries and that's how Sweet and Sour Chicken was meant to be! Enjoy this culinary trip to the Far East and let me know how you like it!

This is for you Pops! Love you so much and thank you for sharing!

Fireworks, Fanfare and oh yeah....Dessert Pizza!

First an apology. I meant to have this blogged about earlier but as life would have it things came up and next thing I know it's Monday night a week later. But...I do have a special this week as I will be making two entries. Jen and I made the most amazing Sweet and Sour Tofu, the original recipe was for chicken but we don't really eat meat that much. The Sweet and Sour Tofu recipe will be a little later this week.

So onto the goodness! We showed up at our friends 4th of July party with the two things that we had planned to bring. The first was the Silver Queen corn that we roasted fresh at the party. It was so amazing, and was literally picked just hours before we bought it! I love small local farmers with their produce stands! The second item was the one that I really was unsure about. Ok so I found a traditional shortbread cookie recipe and adapted it to make it gluten-free. It really was quite easy as the only ingredients in the cookie recipe were butter, sugar, and flour. Pretty simple or so I imagined. The hard part was not mixing the up the cookie. That only took about 5 minutes. The hard part was making the ginormous short bread cookie that took up the whole cookie sheet. The butter was a little too soft when I mixed it and it seems like it took forever to get chilled. I was a little worried about the consistency of the dough. It was extremely sticky really hard to roll out. Chilling it for an hour seemed to make it a lot easier to pat out but I still had to flour my hands with generous amounts of flour. Rolling it just didn't work. It kept sticking to the rolling pin. I learned quite a bit about making a giant gluten-free cookie this time. It baked up perfectly, although because of its size it did take a bit longer than the original recipe. I have modified the recipe to reflect this time difference. So the baked product was really soft and flaky like a really good pie crust. It was lightly sweet and had a great crumbly, yet moist texture! The first trial run seems to be a winner in my book. 
It is really important that you use the freshest, best quality butter that you can afford for this recipe as it is the star ingredient in the cookie. I use Cabot Natural Creamery butter. It was sweet and smooth, and had a light tang to it. It was a great choice for the cookie! I made a fresh whipped cream with pure key lime oil, coconut extract, and Banana Cream Jello pudding mix. I then topped the cookie with fresh local peaches, local blueberries, fresh strawberries, and a light topping of coconut.

Truth be told this recipe was awesome! I was a little worried about the texture of the cookie and absolutely didn't tell anyone that it was gluten-free. What? It would have spoiled my fun and besides people have this stigma about "special" foods. People loved it so much that we had just enough for a small snack later that night. It was perfect and I hope that you will enjoy it's simplicity and fresh bold flavor! Have fun and let me know how you like it!

Till we meet again. :0)

Recipe on the recipes page.

Fireworks, Fanfare, and a Week of Fridays.

So... have you ever had one of those weeks where every day feels like it should be Friday? It was Tuesday evening and I was like man, tomorrow I can just hang out and chill....wrong. Tuesday was definitely not Friday. I can't begin to explain to you how deeply bummed I was that it was not Friday. All that to say that it has been a long week. I am looking forward to this weekend! I love fireworks, I love the smells of barbecuing, and most of all I love getting together with friends, enjoying good games, eating some awesome food and of course drinking cold beer! Gluten-Free beer of course...well most of the time. I still have to cheat a little when I can! 

I have been thinking about what to take to our friend's party and decided that there are two awesome things I'd love to take! First is going to be something so simple that I could do it in my sleep. Now that I have you at least a little interested I'll just go ahead and tell you! Can you guess? Corn...but not just any corn it has to be Silver Queen corn!! It is a white variety that is so sweet it's almost like eating candy! We usually get it from the local farmer's market where it was literally picked that morning. Freshness is the key to good corn because it starts to lose its sweetness as soon as it is picked.  Don't be afraid to ask them if you can open one up and taste it right then and there! The kernels should be really plump and sweet! You should choose corn that looks full. Now the hard part....husking it....blah! May it never be! Don't even move your greedy little hands towards that husk! Just leave it alone. I promise you that there is a great reward to those who wait! I said NO! Leave it alone or you'll go blind! lol Seriously though this recipe is so easy! Just fire up the oven to 350 degrees and when the oven is ready pull the silk off the top of the corn and toss those babies right in there. Place 'em right on the rack. No pan. No anything! Just on the rack. Now forget about them for about 35 minutes. The husk will keep the moisture in and impart a deep earthy sweetness that will rock your taste-buds! To serve it just peel the husks back and stack them on a plate. They look really festive and really gourmet! Your friends will be astonished! I promise they will because no one knows about this beautiful native Mexican secret! Well most Mexicans do but hey... I love to serve mine with a chipolte butter and a little Old Bay seasoning! Or, my wife thinks this is so gross, I love to eat mine with a little mayo, kosher salt, and fresh pepper! Wow is that good! Hey you should try it and then comment about how good it is! :) Hahaha! 

So the other item is not so easy and I really don't have a recipe for it yet but after this weekend I will. I going to attempt to make a dessert pizza! Not to hard until you factor in the whole gluten-free issue! I imagine that it is going to go something like this: Gluten-free shortbread cookie crust lavished with my own tropical whipped cream ( no not coolwhip real honest cream, etc.) Like I said recipe next week! Then topped with freshly picked blueberries, fresh strawberries, fresh pineapple, and brushed with a minted simple syrup to make it glossy! All easy except the shortbread part! Not sure even how to make a shortbread cookie gluten-free because real flour is sooooo different than gluten-free flour blends. Well we shall see together. I will let you know on Monday how it went! Oh and as a teaser I think that I may have worked out a gluten-free Chicago Deep Dish Pizza recipe last night as I could not sleep!! What?! I am so trying it out this weekend! Lots to write about next week! Ok I promis that even if I fail I will let you know so that you won't make the same mistakes I did. See, I know you all look up to me to waste time and money working these things out so that you don't have to. :) 

Have a safe and happy 4th!  

Recipe for corn on recipes page for quick reference. 

The Best of the Summer Vine.

Wow Saturday was HOT! I knew that it was going to be bad, when at a little after 7:30 that morning I stepped onto my porch, with java juice in hand, only to be stricken by the immense heat and humidity that was already seeking to take away my very breath. It was already a balmy 87 degrees with a thousand percent humidity! As I struggled to regain my composure and my breath, because you don't walk outside at a little after 7:30 and expect it to be as hot as Hades, my wife asks if it feels nice outside. What? Nice? Um....sure! 

I told her that the tires on the car were melting onto the driveway and she got the idea. 

After doing a few things around the house we decided that we needed to brave our way out into the heat and get our errands done before it really gets hot. Now lets take a break and consider this...really? Before it gets hot huh? News flash...ITS ALREADY HOT! Oh...before it gets like the south side of Hell...oh got it! Sorry for the confusion! So around eleven we venture out to go to the store and get some provisions. We are driving down highway 76 heading to the new Super Duper Mammoth Gargantuan Wal-Mart with its shiny new asphalt and shopping carts that actually work when we come up on our local farm stand. I look over at my beautiful wife with little puppy dog eyes and ask if she would mind if we stopped to check out what they have. She said, "That'd be great!", and of course I was already pulling into the driveway at that point. I leap from the car, do an Irish Jig, and hop over to the bounty of beautifully stacked produce with its rich colors and smells! I see a vast array of peppers, and squash, and eggplants (oh my!) when my eye spots the very thing that I had hoped to see! There in their little unassuming green plastic basket sit the jewels of summer! Cherry Tomatoes! I give the attendant the same puppy dog eyes I gave my wife and ask if I could taste one. She just smiles and nods approval. I reach a shaking hand towards the little green basket overflowing with these beautifully ripe little treasures. I hesitate. Torn. Excited! Which one do I try? They all look so good! Too many choices! So I just grab one and pop it into my mouth. Slowly I bite down and as the juice and seeds fill my mouth I am transported to my childhood frolicking through my neighbors garden stealing little juicy bites of cherry tomato OK. So I was a bad child! But hey aren't all summer memories based on something like this? You were bad too! My wife's soft beautiful voice fills my ears as I am drawn back to the present time. "Huh?", I say. "So how is it?", she asks. The only word I can find to describe it is "WOW!"

I give the resident payment box it's dues and proceed hand in hand with my wife to the car. She looks at me longingly and asks if she can have one. She rummages through our bag of goodies and finds one that she thinks looks delicious and pops it into her mouth. A bit of tomato juice spills down the corner of her mouth as she exclaims "This tastes like Summer!" I just look at her an smile because it really does. It tastes like the fond summer memories that life is all about.

Go to your local farmer's roadside stand, pick up some cherry tomatoes that you know were picked that morning and try out my favorite recipe! You'll find this recipe on the "Recipes" page.

A little sweet tooth anyone?

What is the essence of a great peanut butter cookie. Really think hard on this one. Times up! Well if you are a fan of the peanut butter cookie you would have answered peanut butter of course! The whole reason we eat these things is that they are a vehicle to get peanut buttery goodness into out mouths without looking like complete lunatics. Who among us takes a spoonful of peanut butter and just eats it in the presence of company? Don't raise your hands I know who you are if you do!

Let us deconstruct the peanut butter cookie in all it's glory and then think about how to make it more moist, more peanut buttery, easier, and way more gluten-free. 

Let's begin with the traditional recipe shall we?

Ingredients:

• 1 cup unsalted butter
• 1 cup crunchy peanut butter
• 1 cup white sugar
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

This is your run of the mill peanut butter cookie. Looks like a lot of time and effort and oh yeah...for those of us who CANNOT have WHEAT this one's definitely a killer! But in being fair let's take a look anyhow. 

1 C. Butter - Most things are better with butter. Those of us trying to watch our hourglass figures it means disaster! Here's the breakdown. 
1 Cup = 2 Sticks = 16Tbs = 1600 Calories. Think about it. Besides peanut butter is already choc-ful-o oil.

1 C. Crunchy Peanut Butter - Sounds good to me. But I like mine mixed half crunchy half creamy. Personal preference. 

1 C. White Sugar - I can go for this but just white sugar? Where is the caramel undertones of brown sugar? Bland.

1 C. Brown Sugar - There it is! Whoa! Can we say don't feed these to children as they may turn into Gremlins? Way too much sugar! 

2 1/2 C. AP Flour - Need I say more? 

2 Eggs - Good. They add moisture and a little body to your cookie.

The rest is just some leavening agents and I really don't feel like getting into a chemistry lesson right now. 

So ask yourself how can we make this gluten-free and taste good? How is it a cookie without flour of any sort? Let's get to it. 

We already discovered that peanut butter is choc-ful-o oil remember? So we omit the butter. I know, you can scream heresy at me later. We leave the peanut butter alone because it looks like a good amount. Seriously 2 cups of sugar? We need to change that because we really do want to taste the peanut butter;. We are going to half that. Don't worry they will be plenty sweet enough...trust me. We will make the sugar half and half. One half will be plain white sugar and the other half will be brown sugar. The white sugar will add a great sugary sweetness while the brown will add the level of caramel flavor we desire in a great peanut butter cookie! The real kicker here is that the flour really needs to go. So the question remains what will hold our little gems together? Rice flour? Tapioca starch? The answer is quite genius and simple. Oatmeal. Plain old quick-cooking oats. I use the GV brand from Walmart. The cookies really do work best with quick-cooking oats. I know that at this point you are thinking to yourselves that oats have gluten. There is so much debate about this among fellow Celiacs. Some swear them off while others like myself use them daily to substitute for body where flour is involved. I have never had a problem with them. Neither have any of the fellow groupies in my CSA group. Who knows? If you have a conviction about it don't go there; but you will never know unless you try them. Oats come in the run of the mill kind and Certified Gluten Free. The only difference is that one is 5x the price. The only thing that separates these is one is processed in a facility that processes wheat one is not. In my recipe I use only a 1/2 cup of oats. They will soak up the oil and moisture from the egg and make a flourless cookie that would fool the greatest of culinarians. I did take the amount of egg down to one egg only because there was no need for two. Our new cookies will have enough body to hold their shape so leavening agents are useless. I did however leave a pinch of salt in the recipe and added oh yeah one more killer ingredient. Banana! Add to the most awesome cookie a banana and prepare to make yourself the envy of all who come in contact with your beautiful little gems of delectable peanut butter goodness! 

So now that we have the main idea of the cookie and it's new ingredients go ahead over to the recipes page and try them out! Please feel free to leave comments! 

Till we meet again | Chris